No Going Back

“You should get into writing more. Like, start a blog or write a book or something.” It wasn't the first time my best friend had suggested that I write. When I was in grad school a few years ago studying Middle Eastern history and languages, he suggested I write a book about my thoughts on Islam, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, some historical topics, etc. When I started becoming more involved in studying Christianity and writing articles for my church's newsletter, he urged me to write a book on a religious topic. But now, sitting in his backyard with a good friend of ours on a beautiful afternoon, I had a different answer than my usual one. “I do have a blog,” I said almost sheepishly. 

"Really? You started a blog?" my best friend said, a bit surprised. 

"Is it like, private or something? How come nobody knows about it?” our friend asked. 

And I explained why. Explained how most of what I have written consists of short, sermon-type reflections on God and scripture, and how my main deterrent was knowing that some of the wonderful, kind Muslims I had befriended over the last several years might read the blog and realize that I no longer believe in their religion. (I was a Muslim from 2010 to 2012, something I'll probably be writing about from time to time.) Those people changed my life for the better, sharing hours of their time for guidance, fun outings, and thoughtful conversations over coffee or a meal. I was afraid of the initial reactions of disappointment and concern of some of those people regarding the choice I have made to follow Christ. 

On top of that, I tend to be a private person at heart. And while I suspect most of my entries will be about God (and food on occasion) rather than the minutiae of my personal life, it will be the first time that what I write will be out there for anyone to see. I've always harbored a bit of hesitation about sharing my writing with people other than close friends and family members.  

In the last few weeks, several conversations I've had with people have convinced me that I should try to overcome these hesitations. The most influential conversation occurred last weekend, when I met a young woman who had grown up Catholic, become a Buddhist for several years, and then came back to Christ. I found our situations to be very similar, so I appreciated that she was willing to go into detail about her experiences, particularly her “coming out” to her close Buddhist friends that she had converted to Christianity. She told me about how difficult it had initially been, how they had tried to dissuade her from her decision for several hours out of concern and friendship. It was hard for her knowing that she would never again have that bond with her friends, that bond formed through sharing spiritual and moral beliefs with another person and developing together in those beliefs. But she knew in her heart that there was no going back, no hiding her love for Christ and no way to deny him with a clear conscience. 

Was my hesitation to share what I've written tantamount to denying Christ? I doubt it, or at least I hope not. But even a brief recollection of the persecution faced by the early Christians, of the lengths they were willing to go to in order to witness to the Gospel, is enough to put my reluctance into perspective. Those Christians, and many today in areas of Africa, the Middle East, and Asia, are willing to lay down their lives for God's truth.  What is a blog in comparison with that, really? 

My sincere hope is that my words and experiences might be of help and/or interest to a few people out there. If you have any comments or (preferably constructive) criticism, please don't hold back. Thanks for reading.