My Seminary Essay (Part 2)

Of course, my return to Christ and decision to enter seminary didn't occur simultaneously. I had a decent knowledge of theology and the Bible, a love for God that I had never thought possible, and a strong desire to help other people and preach the Gospel. Now it was a matter of figuring out how God wanted me to use those gifts and passions. Seminary seemed like a logical and appealing choice, but I was also aware that one didn't need to be a rostered church leader in order to serve or spread the Good News. Why not get a desk job, find a position in museum work, or pursue a career teaching Middle Eastern history at a secular university? None of these jobs would necessarily prevent me from being active in my church or community. 

Praying for guidance became a common practice for me, as did discussions with friends and family. Over time, I found myself being nudged more and more in the direction of theological and pastoral training. In addition to Pastor Mark Rossman, the advice and encouragement of my oldest and most devout friend, Kelly Graziano,  were crucial in my decision to begin the candidacy process. 

From early on, I knew that frequent evaluations of the strengths I would bring, as well as the obstacles that may cross my path during my education and ministry, should be essential in my decision. One of my main strengths is in academic study and biblical knowledge. As an undergraduate, I studied history, literature, and languages, three subjects that I've been passionate about since I was a teenager. I began to study Christian theology and interpretation of the Bible about three years ago, as mentioned above. In addition to my private readings, I have attended six Bible studies and taught one. I love being in a classroom setting as a student, and consider myself to be a leader in discussions. Secondly, I started writing short, sermon-like reflections on God and scripture last year, and have been posting weekly to a blog for about five months. I enjoy writing and hope to continue it in the years to come. In terms of my interpersonal relationships, I tend to be the person that friends and family members confide in, trust, and ask for advice on a wide range of issues. I think that I'm very sincere and genuine, which tends to lower people's defenses and put them at ease. Finally, seminary education and ministry in the ELCA would pose no severe hardship in terms of family, mobility, and financial concerns. I'm single, don't have children, and have a total of about $10,000 debt from my undergraduate institution. 

In terms of weaknesses and areas that I would like to improve in, it usually takes me several days to feel comfortable in an unfamiliar situation and with lots of new people. So, for example, if I was appointed to a church it might take some time to feel at ease in my new position and with the members of the congregation. I might have difficulty if any important decisions needed to be made quickly that would affect the church community. I would also like to be more active in service and missions in the upcoming years. 

In the end, though, my decision to start the ELCA candidacy process isn't just about making lists of strengths and weaknesses, or considering the pros and cons of entering into a profession in the Church. It's about discerning a call to vocation, a process of prayer and discussion in which personal experiences can also play a part. In June of this year, I attended the NJ synod assembly with Pastor Rossman. By the end of the first day, after hours of reports from various committees, voting on various issues, and listening to suggestions for changes and additions to memorials, I was exhausted and had a headache that was becoming increasingly unpleasant. I wondered if my decision to go to the meeting had been a wise one. I woke up the next morning for a service. And in the middle of a hymn, the sound of hundreds of pastors and laypeople singing washed over me. I looked around at the other tables and rows of chairs. All these people, coming from churches throughout New Jersey, worshiping God. Not only through the singing of hymns, reciting of creeds, and the receiving of Holy Communion that morning, but through daily service to their congregants and communities. 

Intertwined with the seemingly-mundane, even in the hours of reports and debates at the synod assembly, was something greater. Something holy. This is how God is working in our world, I realized:  through visits to shut-ins and hospital patients, addressing the needs of congregations and communities, serving as a shoulder for people to cry on and as a confidante for those in need of help or advice. He could be seen in the organizing of relief work and missions, in the overseeing of Bible studies and youth groups and Sunday schools. Through the daily grind, day after day and Sunday after Sunday. It's that work, that vocation, that I want to be a part of. During that morning service, I felt a sense of awe and gratitude for the road God had put me on that led to this moment. I had the sense that, yes, He approved of my decision. God willing, this committee will be able to see the potential in me to do His work, to be His servant as a rostered pastor in the ELCA.